Pakistani weddings are getting bigger and more boring everyday! Five days of non-stop celebration! That too, for someone else getting married.
Such. A. Drag.
Here are 12 things we all hate about Pakistani weddings:
1. Dholki, Dholki, Dholki, Dholki, ANOTHER Dholki, Mayoun, Dholki, Mehndi, Gaana night, Shaadi, Brunch, Valima and Dinners galore!!
Why? Why do they have to prolong it like this? Why can’t we have a one day wedding and be done with it?
2. The Phopho’s, daughter’s, mother-in-law arriving from AMREEKA!
She brings two chocolates for you and you have to share your room with her for the entire duration of wedding. I don’t want to share my room with her!
She practices witchcraft!
3. Dance performances on Baby Doll and Sheila ki jawaani!
Because we have no better songs to listen to. And they will repeat. At every mehndi you go to. WHY can’t we be more creative!? Why are they dancing at all?
I want food! Give me food!
4. Food after 1AM.
Who does that? That’s cruel! You can’t do that when 90% of the people at the wedding are there only for the food and other 10% is your immediate family!
5. People eat like they have never seen food before!
They make a mountain of food on their plates and don’t even eat half of it! Stop being greedy brats!
6. Your dad’s second cousin’s wife’s sister: “Kitni bardi hogyi ho?”
Firstly, I have never seen you in my entire life. Second, do you expect me to always stay a Chohti si bachi (little kid)? I mean the lack of conversation skills is appalling!
7. Rishta Aunties!
I hate them the most! They believe hooking people up is the only reason they have been sent down to Earth. I plan to go to all future weddings like:
8. The movie-uncle!
“Beta, idhar dekhein!” “Beta, baat mat karein” “Beta, ismale karien”
Me: “UNCLE, AAP SAANS NA LEIN”
9. Unwanted traditions!
Why? Why on the earth do you want the bride and groom to look birdbrained and do weird shit? Why would he want to lick yoghurt off her hand? She has mehndi on her hands, why put mehndi on a leaf then? Why do you want them to find a friggin’ coin from whatever? WHY is everyone after groom’s shoes?!
10. Selfies and selfie-sticks!
EVERYONE is taking a selfie! Selfies with mommy, selfies with daddy, selfies with khala, selfies with dulha, selfies with dulhan, selfies with the entire khandaan! And then another person starts the same cycle with another device… JUST NO.
Why is the bride’s Amreeka wali khala crying? She doesn’t even live with the bride! WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING? Isn’t it supposed to be happy moment? Sure, the bride cries because she is leaving her family, but WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE CRY! You’re NOT making anything any easier!
12. The shaadi is over but the phopho/khala/auntie is still upset!
Certain aunts just HAVE to ruin everything for everyone!
“Mujhe side par bithaya tha”
TOH KYA?! Aap ki shaadi thi kya?!
A shaadi is supposed to be a sacred and beautiful ceremony shared by those who wish the bride and groom embarking upon this journey happiness and success. It should be celebrated and enjoyed. Less drama and more love, guys (especially the aunties out there)!